You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
