this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
