I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
