Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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