I accidentally had phone sex last night
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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