I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
