i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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