i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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