So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
