if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
