can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
this hospital has no fireball
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
