He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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