i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
