i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
