So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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