I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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