spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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