he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
