the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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