frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
