im six kinds of drunk right now
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
