is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
