I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I AM VODKA MAN
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
