Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
