i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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