He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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