So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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