Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
True college students do jello shots in the library
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