Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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