you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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