There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
