i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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