he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize