I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
