Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
