I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
