A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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