Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
