I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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