I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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