I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
