And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
now i know why i became what i already was.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
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Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
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you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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