ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
