Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
