please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
