Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
