he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
