Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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