What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
