I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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