I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
