and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
