i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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