Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
