Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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