where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
