Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
