I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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