Don't make out with my wife yet
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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