I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How does one acquire holy water?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
