I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
