DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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