oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
