i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
