I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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