He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
