When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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