shes about as inviting as chlamydia
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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