My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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