He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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