in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
