If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
His nipple licking is glorious
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