we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
