Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
